Chapter Nine, "Girl Interrupted"

Chapter Nine of Housewife Theologian by Aimee Byrd has a deceptive title but is a most rewarding read and reflection.

Aimee writes about our trying to find our identity in idols, but not in our LORD. She quotes the  definition of an idol that Tim Keller uses in Counterfeit Gods: The empty Promises of Money, Sex, and Power, and the only Hope That Matters; idols are the "making of an ultimate thing out of a good thing" p. 172. She compares our idols with the gospel and writes:

By revealing the poison in my soul, the Lord humbles me and allows me to see what my own effort apart from him produces. As I come to discover more intimately how thoroughly dependent I am on his grace, the Holy Spirit actually produces fruit in the midst of the worst suffering or sin. That, my friends, is the power of the gospel; how sweet the sound! p. 175

Aimee goes on to explain how getting rid of idols often includes our own hurt, anger and self-righteousness. Instead we need to experience humbling forgiveness and lose the fear that accompanies that idol.

She points out that we relish "doing for God" rather than receiving from God. So much of this I realized in Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill where I relate my own struggles to stop acting like the religious humanitarian and enjoy giving God the glory whether or not I had any glory. Like Aimee I have struggled with idols. Occupation, for example: I wanted to continue as a Director of Christian Education--making this career an "ultimate thing out of a good thing". Blogging now can also be an idol--are people reading and posting--am I being followed by others? Blogging is not the ultimate thing.

Again Aimee asks questions at the end of this chapter  p. 183.  The Journaling Questions are in red and my answers are in black.

• Journal about some times when you were the angriest, most devastated, or most hurt in your life. Do you recognize any idols that you may have had then? Some of those events are in my book. An idol I wrote about was niceness. When I went overboard being nice, I was hurt when others didn't reciprocate. I also had an idol of a perfect job--working on a Church staff as a Director of Christian education.  Are they still there? No, those particular idols are not there, but other idols want to take their place if I am not careful. 
• How can a good thing turn into an ultimate thing, and why is that had? This last week I wrestled with taking a long-term substitute job--a good thing in Special Education--that I could make an ultimate thing and then not fully be there for my husband as his caregiver. 
• Do you ever find that you are serving God the way that you want to, but not necessarily the way he wants you to? Yes. Perhaps my going overboard applying The House That Cleans Itself and blogging about it. Can you think of any people in the Bible who have done this? It started with Eve who listened to the serpent. Job had his own ideas about what God was doing until he repented. David committed adultery and then tried to cover it up. 
• In examining yourself after reading this chapter, as well as through prayer, what may be some idols in your life now? Perfectionism. Getting something done rather than allowing God to order my days. He may want me to interact with someone when I have other ideas. Where do you place your value, meaningfulness, and worth? There is only one place--I am His for His purposes. 
• Read the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35. Is there someone you need to forgive? Yes. Because blogging on another blog is sometimes an idol for me,  I think that certain people in my life should read it so they can know how to pray for my husband who has Alzheimer's. When family and special friends don't read it, I need to forgive them. Silly, sinful me! They can care about us and pray for us without my blog posts. Is there someone of whom you need to ask forgiveness? Yes, and I did that yesterday and it was so good to repent and humble myself. 
• How is forgiveness supernatural? We forgive because He forgave us.  Answer in detail. He gives us the power to forgive others as we examine ourselves. He also gives us the power in humility to ask for forgiveness. 
• How is that we prostitute and enslave ourselves to meagerness and mediocrity? We do this when we try to live our life on our own terms.  In what ways do you do that? When I am not meditating on God's Word and heeding it, I short-cut my faith. 
• Are you suffering through any afflictions in your life right now (that may or may not be from idolatry)? Being a caregiver is tough. How can you glorify God in this time? By my willing obedience to the road ahead. What Scriptures may be helpful to you? My grace is sufficient for you--my strength is made perfect in your weakness. How is God's grace sufficient to you in this time? By clinging to Him and not to my abilities. 
• What's the difference between being religious and being Christian? A humanitarian can be religious, but only a disciple is a Christian. LORD make me Your disciple and keep working in my life. 
• What is the measurement of our sanctification? The measurement is how the LORD transforms my struggles and sin into fruit in His kingdom that I can one day lay at His feet. 

Chapter Eight, "The Lion's Tooth"

This chapter of Housewife Theologian is on sin. Before 2000 I was in an evangelical church that did not emphasize the topic of sin. I do not remember anyone being brought up short for how they lived, myself included. Yes, I did have guilt feelings, but confession and repentance did not occupy my life. Perhaps good works was what my aim was. I was on a "niceness treadmill" as I wrote about in my book.

Now in Reformed circles, my church in particular, the topic of sin and the fact of sin is dealt with. Elders deal with church discipline of individuals, and we have a "congregational prayer of confession". I am drawn in corporate worship to consider sin in my life. As I pour over Scripture both on Sunday and throughout the week, I am convicted.

The Journaling Questions from chapter eight, pp. 166-167 of Housewife Theologian, are in red and my answers are in black.

• Define some areas in your life in which you struggle with autonomy--for example, in your relationships, worship, your schedule, or others. Autonomy means to go it alone, to buck up and do the deed. However,  faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Before my devotional life wasn't consistent because I didn't want to become "legalistic"! Often I would not be in prayer for the worship service and for a quiet heart to hear what I needed to hear. I would critique the sermon, or the music, or the form of the service. 
• How does our role as women, particularly in our call to submit to our husbands, give us an advantage for this struggle for autonomy? Whenever possible I try to draw my husband into decisions. Now this is difficult in that he is going downhill with dementia. 
• Have you been downplaying the sin in your own life? No, as I explained above I have been more aware of it since joining a Reformed church.  We have all gone astray (Isaiah 53:6), but the good news of the gospel is that the LORD will abundantly pardon (Isaiah 55:7).  Some signs that this many be true could be that you feel weird even saying the word sin out loud, much less confessing to the particulars, or find it hard or unimportant to ask for forgiveness. I tried to apologize to a neighbor who was offended by me and he said he doesn't believe in forgiveness. Even my apology, though, was tainted by sin. I wanted to look better in his eye--my pride. 
• Does your church consistently encourage by the gospel? Not sure of the meaning of this question. Do the members hold one another accountable and exercise biblical church discipline for the purpose of restoration? Yes.  Or does everyone feel comfortable in his or her current spiritual state and efforts? I do not know. I am uncomfortable with some of the doctrinal debates that tend to rise up on Reformed blogs and even on this blog: views of the end time, exclusive Psaltry in worship and celebration of Christmas have been debated here.  I feel there is doctrinal pride that is ugly and I may be part of it. I think of Euodia and Syntyche whom Paul told to agree in the LORD in Philippians 2. Theology has had a bad taste in my mouth at times and this is why I am rethinking with Aimee's book. 
• Is there a time in your life when you can recall choosing affliction over sin, or choosing sin over affliction? Restoring a relationship was a difficult process. I had to lay down my expectations, repent and keep praying. What was the outcome, both circumstantially and spiritually? In the LORD's timing that relationship was restored. I could not have engineered it. Was it what you expected? Not at all--very grateful. 
• Over by the side of my house, I have a crazy weed that grows on a vine. It appears to be but a few small teasers, but when I go to pick it I discover a whole underground system hidden under the mulch. This reminds me of how interconnected our sin is. It has hidden networks that build a strong base. I might want to uproot a sin in my life, and find how it has spread like cancer. Think of a particular sin that you have been flirting with. Imagine what it would look like in full bloom, if God were to leave you in it. When my husband was diagnosed with dementia, I was angry and my anger turned to depression. Gradually I came to accept the situation. Can any sin be small when we compare it to what it cost our Savior? Thank you, LORD, for your willing suffering for my sins so that You can restore a right relationship within me. On to a gardening analogy from our life, we have a volunteer who is transforming our yard. Yesterday he worked on the front yard. That transformation is just lovely--like God's grace in dealing with us. 
•  Now think about the "old man" that you once were . . . the things you valued as important . . . what you loved. Compare that to how far Christ has already brought you . . . a whole new world--the age to come! Read Romans 7:15-25. Can you identify with Paul's relationship to sin here? Yes  How is it different from before your conversion? I was seven and just remember I had a sense of relief that Jesus was in my life. 
• How is your theology practical in your everyday life? This is the whole theme of Aimee's book--theology is practical (p. 157). I have not thought of this concept. For me theology had become ugly. Some of this ugliness in chronicled on this blog. I do not like when people do not get along theologically. BUT IF I CAN REFRAME IT INTO RIGHT LIVING AND RIGHT DOCTRINE, THEN IT IS PRACTICAL. 
• What have you disguised some of your sin as? Emotions, depression, coping rather than trusting that God is in control. Self-esteem is just a disguise for pride.
• How is our eschatology important to the way we look at the world and our own sin? I have come to not like the term eschatology because I have seen it cause doctrinal fights within the church. 
• What role does Sunday morning worship play in our spiritual growth? Sunday morning worship has become Sunday afternoon worship at our church. Now Sunday morning I have more time to prepare for the afternoon worship, including preparing for communion which we celebrate every LORD's day. Preparation for communion includes dealing with sin. 

Thank you, Aimee Byrd, for helping me reframe theology in my life with your book. 

Addiction Vs. Sin

"It's hereditary. It's not sin--drinking, that is. It's a disease." Either you take the road of continuing to drink, or you join Alcoholics Anonymous some say.

But wait. Alcoholism, drinking too much, or becoming addicted to any substance is not a disease--it's sin. Dr. William Playfair in The Useful Lie writes:

No one can demonstrate that a gene causes alcoholism just as no one can demonstrate that a gene causes adultery, lying, thievery, blasphemy, or any other such behavior. These are sinful activities in which we choose to participate rather than diseases we inherit. (pp. 47, 48)

How do people deal with their sin of alcoholism? They feel guilty, and maybe that’s all. They avoid stopping what gives them pleasure. Edward Welch writes on p. 81 in Addictions: Banquet in the Grave--Finding Hope in the Power of the Gospel:

Some drug abusers, adulterers, and other addicts, through a great deal of practice and hardness of heart, are morally insensitive. Their consciences have been seared. However, you will probably find that addicts feel much more guilty than you might think at first. They feel guilty for hurting others, guilty for rebelling against a holy God. And, if they use drugs or alcohol, the only way they know how to deal with their guilt is (guess!) to do more mind-altering substances.

Maybe a DUI or the threat of a divorce makes them stop and they use a Twelve Step program with a higher power—“God as we know him.” Some get stuck with meetings and treatment and consider themselves forever recovering.

However the Christian can be moderate and wisely follow God’s direction. He is recovered. If he has tolerance for alcohol, he chooses abstinence rather than moderation. Scripture points out that drunkenness is a sin (Ephesians 5:18), and advocates moderation. I Corinthians 6 talks about believers who were drunkards, but who now are right with God. Welch says, "The wise and godly person loves to have God tell him what to do." (p. 278)

What is the solution for sin of addiction for believers of Jesus Christ?  Expensive, lengthy treatment from the recovery industry and psychotherapy? No. God's forgiveness and God's control is the solution.  (See Romans 8:7-9) Accountability within a body of believers as well.

Put on the Lord Jesus Christ

and make no provision for the flesh.

Romans 13:14