Chapter Four, "Hear Me Roar"

Author Aimee Byrd writes:

I continually have to lay down who I think I am or who I want to be if it is anything different from God's plan for me to be transformed into the image of his Son. (p. 71)

By now maybe you have purchased Housewife Theologian by Aimee Byrd. The Journaling Questions from pp. 91-92 are in red and my answers are in black.

• Think about my statement, "We are all abnormal." As Christians, how does this apply to our pilgrimage in this world? We need God for our holiness, and "finding ourselves" is very subjective. He is taking us on a journey where we absolutely need Him. How does this affect our identity? When my identity is in Christ alone, I do not need to have some outside validation for my joy and chasing happiness is not worth it. 
• Why is it that if we look for our self, we will find only "hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay"? Has there been a time in your life when you had a dream or ambition that wasn't really wrong in itself, but nonetheless you knew it was wrong for you to pursue? Yes-teaching Reading in high school to unmotivated students who maybe should have learned to read earlier. I worked hard at it, but it never really clicked. I really needed to be retired and be there for my husband who was developing memory issues. Our home life needed me so desperately. It still does, and I am blessed to have help so I can continue to make money we need through substitute teaching and teaching a class for DUI offenders, but be off on days for doctor's appointments. 
• How is the ideology of feminism opposed to biblical femininity? Aimee points out that men and women both make up the image of God. It is not just one sex. There is a difference in how each is gifted. 
• Assignment: Record how many commercials, conversations, TV shows, etc., portray the feminist idea of men being useless and less intelligent than women. I will listen, but do not watch TV much at all. 
• What do you think of Elisabeth Elliot's comment that the essence of femininity is surrender? I have to surrender to what the LORD has for me at this time in my life, not run away from it or cry "poor me". Daily I do see His faithfulness, although at times it is really hard. I cannot throw my hands up in despair. Aimee writes: Submission does not equal passivity, In chapter one we learned about our active responsibility as helpers. God gifts us diversely for this role, but as Elliot points out, we need to be content and stop trying incessantly to have it all. (p. 80)
• What special gifts has God given you as a woman? A really strange thing has happened in my life in the last several years. I am "MC AC The Rap Lady" on YouTube and believe that my niece and nephew are putting up many of my raps there this next year. I "rap" at the end of good classes when I substitute teach and have impacted young lives with those raps I have written on topics such as facing boredom, bullies, using your mind and not just your emotions, not swearing and addiction. One young person wrote on YouTube that I should do a rap on youth being addicted to porn and I did put that topic in my addiction rap.  How are you using them to serve those around you? Rapping helps me identify with youth and get their attention. Even out in public young people come up and ask me if I am the lady that raps. Students tell me they are no longer a "drama queen" or a bully because of my raps.  Are you distracted by chasing gifts that you do not have? Probably so. I can't do it all, but many times I overbook. I think I can get two quilts made by December and maintain a lovely home. (Sarcastic) Right!!
• What would be an acceptable Christian definition of being "sexy?" Why do you think that the world's view of "sexy" is so genitally oriented? Randy Alcorn, my first cousin's husband, writes HERE with sexual purity admonitions. 
• Journal some examples of how your past and present sexual behavior reflects on your sexual identity.
• Are you sending the right messages to those around you with your sexuality? What are some ways that a man confirms the gospel message by his outer strength and inner softness? How does a woman do this by her outer softness and inner strength?
• What are some boundaries that you can set to protect your sexuality? Some examples: As a married woman, I do not eat alone or ride in a car alone with other men unless my husband is aware of the circumstance and is comfortable with it. He does the same for me, respecting that those can be intimate moments, even when they are not intended to be so. We also have a boundary never to discuss any argument or marital conflict with the opposite sex. It is unwise to seek counseling in this manner from a friend of the opposite sex. Many times affairs begin this way because the "listening" friend appears more understanding and helpful than your spouse. As a single woman, what are some good boundaries? Secular counselors such as Dr. Ruth say it is okay to have a lover if your spouse has Alzheimer's. I totally disagree. 
• Are you comfortable with your imperfections? Getting there. If you are married, are you at ease with your imperfections, particularly in intimacy with your husband? Yes. He is a sweetheart who accepts and loves me as I am. How would be be divinizing one another if there were perfection in this area?
• What do you believe will survive from our sexuality in heaven? How does this impact your view of your sexuality now? In heaven I will be Christ's bride. 
• How does your intimacy with your husband show forth in your behavior with others?I have noticed that people enjoy the admiration my husband and I have for each other. For example, I have been told that when I speak at Toastmasters my husband just looks at me with admiration. How does your intimacy with God show forth in your behavior with others? Hopefully they can see the beauty of Jesus in me. 
• Have you settled? I have not settled for an unbeliever as a husband. When I was a widow, it took eight years to find a godly husband again and I know that my husband is part of God's plan for my life. Fortunately I was never in a position to be exploited sexually. Thank you, LORD. What lies have you bought and sold concerning your sexuality? 

Aimee writes near the end of the chapter:

An unbeliever will not understand the hidden intimacy that a Christian has with God any more than a person who has never been in love will understand the chemistry between husband and wife. But they will notice something of it from our behavior. It is an intimacy that transforms, that is visible. (p. 90)

Chapter Three, "Do Your Mind?"

I have to admit that I need to read this book because theology has such a bad connotation with me recently as I have seen Internet arguments. I need a fresh appreciation for theology, Aimee. You seem to imply that it is really just a daily living of dynamic faith in all areas of life incompassing ethics and decision making.  The word "Christian" has become so watered-down--almost everyone is one according to their understanding. But discipleship in Christ  is certainly different and has to include both affective and cognitive areas.

"There seems to be an aversion to learning biblical theology. . . . conversion is not merely a ticket out of hell. It is the beginning of a whole new life, not just an end to the old one," writes Aimee Byrd on p. 55.

This chapter really capsulizes what Aimee Byrd is saying about being a theologian, or a careful Christian and housewife in all areas of life. She desires that we do more than "get by" and p. 55 continues:

"God's grace is so magnificent that it not only allows us eternity with him once we die, but also initiates an intimate relationship with him now through his Spirit as he sanctifies us into the likeness of his Son." 

"WITH" reminds me of Skye Jethani's book I reviewed HERE and HERE. There is so much meat in Aimee's chapter three, that you really have to get the book and read it for yourself. Value using Scripture in all of life and value the church, God's people,  as the instrument He uses (though not because it is perfect) for our sanctification.

As I wrote in the last two posts on Housewife Theologian, I can't be in an actual study on this book, so I decided to give my input here. The chapter three questions from pp. 69 and 70 challenge me and probably will you as well. Again the questions are in red and my answers are in black.

• Think of a regular day in the life of you. Do you feel as if you are merely getting by as a Christian, or do you feel confident that you are integrating your life well with God's truth? In what ways do you think you may be conformed to this world? This month has been so busy for me as I have taken on a long-term substitute job through September 30. I strive to be the best teacher for these educationally handicapped students, not merely fill a spot legally. Several students are reading better as I have been concentrating on giving them skills they need. Then my life at home includes practical details of caregiving for my husband who has mixed dementia and now is struggling to walk. I am just "getting by" this month and prayers are appreciate. 
• Can you specifically recall a time when you could honestly characterize yourself as loving God, even to the contempt of yourself? Aimee, is this a trick question? He is all I love and I abhor my imperfections and need his grace each day to overcome sin in my life. 
• Read Matthew 7:21-12. Do you intimately know God and his Word? I am daily in the Word, but need to meditate on it and put it in context more.  Do you know it well enough to discern his will in tough situations? I think that prayer enters here. LORD, what do you want me to do today? How can I obey You.  Does he know you by your obedience to his Word, or do you serve him on your own terms? My own terms do not work. Does he see you in his church? Yes but my church attendance and involvement used to be so busy that I rarely relaxed and worshipped in church. Now worship is a highlight of the week. 
• Do you feel confident enough to teach someone else about God's Word, or do you still need milk yourself? Explain.  I feel confident one-on-one to point others to the Bible. 
• What is the difference between Christian spirituality and the Christian mind? Not sure where this question is going.  Spirituality may point to the fruit of the Spirit and the Christian mind may point to doctrine. We need both. Not all believers are intellectually literate or even capable in theology, but all are called to grow in grace and the knowledge of our LORD. 
• Does your neighbor know the same "you" as the person sitting beside you on the pew on Sunday mornings? One of our neighbors recently chewed me out and included my Christianity or his stereotype of how hypocritical Christians are in his rant against me. He thought I should join his campaign against another neighbor and had no idea that Christianity also includes truth and peacemaking.  Is your faith something that you keep private and separate from everyday life? I walk a fine line in substitute teaching in public schools and also in teaching classes for DUI offenders. However, I DO NOT see a need TO AVOID mentioning my faith in these settings. I would hope that my excellence in teaching also honors our LORD. 
• See if you find yourself compromising God's truth in conversations this month. How can you change this? Are you afraid of what others might think if you discuss the content of your faith, or do you just feel ill-equipped to share? My husband and I were out to dinner last night and met an unchurched couple. I did bring up faith issues with them, and we may get together in the future. Stay tuned and pray. There are divine appointments that can happen. 
• How is it that we are able to know God truly but not exhaustively? I would say that I know God personally, but cannot know ALL about Him. Why is this an important distinction? Perhaps this has to do with faith and we read that it is impossible to please Him without faith. 
• Why is God's Word so important to the renewing of the mind? God's Word is a treasure and I need Scripture to test my perceptions and to guide me in daily living.  
• Assess your mental status as a housewife. Actually I would rather study than do housework, but am prompted to do both. Have a list of things to do today, Saturday. Do you enjoy learning? Yes. How does your continued learning affect your role as a housewife, sister, mother, friend, employee, neighbor, or church member? Hopefully I am learning to have a quiet and gentle spirit and am not going around as a know-it all. How does it affect your beauty? Oh no! I thought that concept was in the last chapter. Well maybe I can say that I need to beautify our home today. 
• What is the importance of learning in the community of the local church versus learning in isolation? I think it is both. How would learning church history be helpful? We are told we learn from history, or else we repeat its mistakes. What other messages are vying for your allegiance? Aging issues such as my husband's dementia and saving for a new roof. 
• What new thing have you learned this year? One thing? Make a plan of action. I probably need "to do" lists. What are your goals of learning for the rest of the year? How do you intend to meet them? I am writing a seminary dissertation on being an Alzheimer's caregiver in my "spare" time. My pastor/professor knows I like to study and write and he chose this topic for me. Please pray for this undertaking. 
• Will there still be learning in heaven? I think we will know our LORD then, but continue to enjoy Him forever and to discover new marvels. 

Stay tuned for "Hear Me Roar", chapter four. 

Chapter Two, "In the Eye of the Beholder"

This is the second post in a series--one post per chapter from Housewife Theologian. Chapter two might make some women squirm as if any attention to beauty is not godly. Do not let chapter two keep you from the gems in this chapter and the whole book, however.

Author Aimee Byrd is so pretty herself from the picture on her blog at http://www.housewifetheologian.com, and incidentally  the picture on the book cover is not Aimee Byrd. Aimee herself likes beauty, and has a perspective on it that I appreciate. She writes:

Our culture has tried its hardest to monopolize our perception of what is beautiful and what is not. And many times we regrettably take something that really is attractive, and exploit it beyond recognition (p. 38).

She notes that beauty is a biblical concept, not a concept spun by Hollywood. How can we so idly stand by and allow them [Hollywood] to exploit our wonderful youth--or forget the different kind of beauty that also comes with age? (p. 42) She lauds the gentle and quiet spirit mentioned in 1 Peter 3 and calls for contagious beauty that isn't prideful (p. 45) and points out that others are beholding this glory of the Lord through us (p. 49).

Here are the chapter two journaling questions in red from page 50 and several of my responses in black.

• Are you able to admire a beautiful woman, or does it evoke competition or jealousy. Do you see beauty in people around you, or are you harsh and critical? Yes, sometimes I humorously think it is "sinful" for someone to be so beautiful. But the sin comes in their flaunting their beauty. After becoming a senior citizen and aging, I realize  I need to be content with how I look and just enjoy the youth of others. I feel pretty at my age, for my age. I do enjoy  complementing other women.  
• How is beauty connected to purity, truth, and originality? I think of Philippians 4:8--the things we are called to think about--whatever things are true. . .  pure. . . lovely. . . think on these things. I have a board on Pinterest called "Think on These Things" which we are called to do in this verse. That Pinterest board is all Scripture. Originality is certainly part of beauty--I do not want to be a cookie cutter of someone's idea of beauty. 
• Contrast true beauty with the cheap beauty in our culture today. Does beauty need to see itself to others? Discuss the tension between true beauty and exploitation. How boring is a beautiful woman who has nothing much to say or contribute! That beauty will not last. Proverbs 30:31 says Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing.
• What is beautiful about belonging to the right hour or season? How does this relate to submissiveness and God's will? That Proverbs verse continues a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 
• In examining yourself, what kind of makeover might you need in order to show forth more beauty? I felt so vain when I had a cosmetic procedure done last summer. Maybe that was okay, and everyone has said it helps my appearance. I lost 25 pounds in 2012 and can loose more. 
• Describe the ugliness of a rebellious disposition. I see ugliness in young women I substitute teach for. Pretty on the outside, sometimes they become trashy-looking by choice and their rebellious attitude shows this. Yes, that is so ugly and the males who are attracted are being led down a wrong path. 
• In reflecting on Sarah Smith, what kind of fame are you seeking? In retrospect, do you feel as if you ever struggle with being prideful in your beauty? Nope. It has taken me A LOT OF YEARS to feel pretty enough and to really not obsess about beauty, but to enjoy it. 
• How can you share your beauty with others? My creativity. I think Edith Shaeffer has written about beauty and creativity. Not sure I have kept her book or what the title is. 
• Make a log for a week of the things you read, what you are watching on TV, the music you are listening to, and the conversations you are having with others. Take a look and evaluate; is the underling message congruent with truth and life? I rarely watch TV now. I listen to podcasts chosen to edify. 
• How is the above list reflective of your thought world? What does this have to do with being a housewife theologian?
• Read Matthew 23:37 again. How does this rebuke contrast with Christ's beautifying us for our glorification?
• Think of one person in your life who stands to to you in splendor. Describe this person's beauty. Actually I can think of two young black women in our church; both have a unique beauty that I am enjoying each Sunday--you know who you are. 
• What do you find beautiful about yourself now? They say I do not look my age, but I do hope I act like a mature senior citizen. I like wearing colors that look good on me. I like enhancing beauty in our home. 

After describing her own beauty, Aimee concludes: Hopefully, all this points to the Creator of all beauty in whose image I was made (p. 52).  

Housewife Theologian, Chapter One "I Am Woman"

I got my copy of Housewife Theologian by Aimee Byrd early in the week, but had no time to star reading it.  During the week I wondered:

1. Does Aimee struggle with clutter and cleaning as I have?
2. Does she struggle with submitting to her husband? My husband has mixed dementia and does Aimee have insight for me on that issue?
3. How does she have time to be both a theologian and a housewife? I certainly do not have much time.
4. Is her life ordinary? What are examples of the gospel invading her ordinary?
5. Does she have theological insight for my caregiving journey?

I have been thrilled to read half of Aimee Byrd's book, Housewife Theologian, in the past three days. In reading half of this excellent book I saw how she listens to podcasts as I do. She likes Charles Spurgeon also! I have some of Spurgeon's podcasts where others have recorded his sermons. Those podcasts help us both multi-task.

Each chapter has reflective questions you can use in a study with other women of various ages. I do not have the luxury of doing that, so I will blog about this book in a series as I did a book last fall--one reflective chapter at a time. Aimee encourages you to go through her book with a group of women discussing the excellent questions at the end of each chapter. Join me and comment. 

In the introduction Aimee writes:

Christians are not called to be representative of the secular culture; we are called to glorify our Creator and Redeemer and to enjoy him forever. . . As pilgrims waiting for the age to come, are we just filling time, or is there some eternal value to our jobs and relationships in this temporary life?  (p. 14, 16)

In the rest of the book she answers this question.

The first chapter, "I Am Woman" and the fourth chapter, "Hear Me Roar" come from that popular song about feminism.  Since I don't have the opportunity to do this with other women, I am going over the Journaling Questions from the first chapter (in red) "I Am Woman" and using some of her insights from the chapter. If you can join me in the discussion, that would be great, but I do hope you buy that book. I will answer only some of the journaling questions from pages 34-35 with this first post in this series and,  as I noted in the above page about this blog, I am a caregiver now for my husband who has mixed dementia.

• Would you be embarrassed to be called a housewife? Explain.  
• Have you ever thought about the importance of theology before? How did Eve's theology affect her conversation with the serpent? Can you think of a similar experience of your own?
• What does it mean to honor your husband's vocation? If you are married, what would this look like in your home? 
• How does your vocation as a housewife fall under the Cultural Mandate? How do any other jobs you may have outside the home fall under this Mandate, and your vocation as a housewife? 
• Do you have a hard time with biblical submission to your husband? Do you think that you may have or have had wrong presuppositions about what this means?  At this time I am looking out for the best interest of my care receiver husband trying to keep him out of a nursing home because that is his desire. I am submitting to his desire to enjoy our home and getting the tools, medicine and using outside help graciously offered to us. 
• How often do you rely on your own righteousness for your spiritual growth? Well that doesn't work as I wrote about my my spiritual memoir, Getting Off the Niceness Treadmill.
• Are you a good helper? How well do you represent your husband (and God) when he's not around? Are you forthcoming with him about your decision making, or do you have the better left unsaid mentality? Are you keeping secrets? Aimee, I try to be the best caregiver I can be. I love your term you got from John Piper--respectful disposition (p. 31) rather than the term "submission". My husband and I talk about his memory issues and he knows that monthly I go to an Alzheimer's Association Support Group. I wish that group was a Bible study or a study on this book. However, yes, I do have secrets. He does not know that I blog elsewhere about his dementia (see plantcityladyandfriends.blogspot.com) because it is his desire to feel normal. Like you, Aimee, writing helps me. I honor hubby's desires to be "retired" and to feel normal. He does not want to feel something is wrong with him and he is such a great conversationalist with others. I want to encourage others to chat with him because this helps him feel connected even if he doesn't remember the exact nature of the conversation. 
• What are some effects from blurring the gender roles God has given us in creation? What is the value of being created male and female?  I thought I could do it all, but I can't.  Doing everything including the large yard we have and taking care of household maintenance is too much for me. At the right time this past six months men have come alongside of us to help with the yard, maintenance and even caregiving for my husband. We have a Christian volunteer caregiver for my husband, neighbor Kenny, who has providentially helped me decide when to call the ambulance and when the roof just has to be repaired. I have just stood around overwhelmed and then in the LORD's grace He has provided help from men for our journey . 
• What do you appreciate about men, particularly the man in your life? What do you admire about some of the other men in your life, such as your father, brother, pastor, son? My husband is so loving to me and we continually say we love each other. He wants to accompany me everywhere for my safety. He had to turn finances and driving over to me, but encourages me to be diligent with those tasks. He has a fabulous sense of humor and brings much joy to our marriage, despite the Alzheimer's and now his limited ability to walk. I love the LORD in him. I take his example in being joyful and we remind each other that this life is not all as we await heaven and the new earth. Other men I have discovered are very willing to step in and advise and help. My pastor has been wonderful with some of the delicate issues I have faced. 
• Why is it important to understand our roles as linked to creation, not with the common misconception of linking them to the fall? Oh no, Aimee! You expect me to think theologically and I am not quite there yet. I thought I was done with theology with this blog because of all the arguing that often men do about theology and that I have seen here and on other blogs. 
• Write an "I Am Woman" poem. Think of both your strengths and weakness, challengers and rewards. 

LORD, you created me to be a "caregiver theologian"

I do not know how to do this

And I miss the spiritual leading of my husband

Often he asks me to pray

Because he forgets what to say

YOU are my husband

YOU are my God

Help me to be the best helpmate to my husband

In these senior dementia-plagued years

I need YOUR strength for the journey

Thanks for the help you provide.