Chapter Seven, "My Two Pence Worth"

This sequence is off, and I will get back to reflecting on chapters five and six later, folks. However, this is the most recent reading for me and so the reflection is fresh.

Aimee starts off with "Spurgee" (Charles Haddon Spurgeon). She quotes him at the start with his concern for others. Aimee notes that the first lessons in theology Spurgee learned was from a cook. Her point is that we do have a circle of friends that we influence. She writes that women seem to have a natural gift for intimate communication that benefits nor only themselves, but also those around them (p. 139). Of course she quotes Titus 2:3-5 and says that we are to be involved in mentoring relationships with one another (p. 141), but also notes 1 Cor. 1:33 where we need to be wise with our friendships.

By now maybe you have purchased Housewife Theologian by Aimee Byrd. The Journaling Questions from pp. 149-150 are in red and my answers are in black.

• One complaint that the older generations typically have with the younger is that the youngsters think that they already know everything. We are all teachers as well as students in our relationships. Are you able to learn even from the humblest of sources? Do you have any unlikely teachers?  From Jim Newheiser and Elyse Fitzpatrick's new book: "Social scientists have noticed that more young adults (those between eighteen and thirty years old) are putting off the responsibilities of adulthood. Adultolescence is the term that best describes this postponement of adulthood into the thirties. This phase is characterized by identity exploration, instability, focus on self, feeling in limbo, and a sense of limitless possibilities. These characteristics are accompanied by transience, confusion, anxiety, obsession with self, melodrama, conflict, and disappointment."  I see this so much, and I try to learn from their struggles, even if they think they already know everything. Mainly I try to come along side of them in prayer. 
• Do you get discouraged by the received insignificance of being a housewife? No. Would love the luxury of staying home to be with my husband, but realize his dementia is also taxing on me and that part-time work helps the finances and gives me respite.  
• How do you see your own poverty as a housewife? For example, fill in the blankL "If I only had __________ (e.g., a more respectable position, more time, more money), I could be a better witness for God. He can use our weaknesses because His grace is sufficient. 
• Define your community. Go through your typical week and write down who is in your circle of influence. Everyone is significant: the other moms at the bus stop, those sitting beside you in class, your coffee barista, your Pilates instructor, and so on. How are you honoring Christ in your different relationship roles? I often pray with my husband's volunteer caregiver. What are you teaching? Possibly I teach by my blogging about my husband's Alzheimer's and the LORD's faithfulness to us in this journey. I am praying for the man who has volunteered to fix our roof so it will last maybe five more years. We bartered our equipment  (our equipment that my husband no longer uses and that I never used) for his services. That equipment is helping him get work. How wonderful is that! He is a non-attending church Christian that we hope to influence. 
• Are you seeking out good teaching? What are you resources? Our pastor's sermons, podcasts, blogs, books. How can you share what you are learning with others? Try to think of some creative ways. Blogging, for example I have been blogging through the book The House That Cleans Itself by Christian author Mindy Clark Starns and have a Facebook group by that title. 
• Are you seeking friendships with both older and younger women? Is it hard for you to hear the admonition for women in Titus 2? No. Why or why not? I can remember when I was 40 and I was the oldest woman in a church I started to attend. My mother had passed away and was soon to marry. My new husband and I joined another church and I liked the input from older women there. (Yes, I married at age 40 for the first time.) 
• Who are your closest friends? I have one Christian friend in particular who is sharing the same journey as an Alzheimer's caregiver. I wish she would answer her phone and start texting. She is out of town now and I miss her. How does your relationship with one friend enhance your other relationships? Sometimes in today's age of many social media friends I long for better face-to-face contact. Social media friends on Facebook just don't cut it.  I relish when a friend writes on a blog or picks up the phone to call. How does each of your close friendships increase the knowledge of and love for God that each of your friends has? This is especially true at church where I love sharing with women--I seek them out. 
• What are your children learning about God from you, both formally and informally? How would you like to improve as their teacher? I do not have children of my own, but am a step-grandmother. I hope my husband's grandchildren can see the good care I have for their grandpa. Informally I try to be there for children at church. I am relearning to play chest so I can play with a six year old. I have "fans" when I substitute teach and I try to relate to each. 
• Are you spending time in prayer for your relationships? Yes. I have different days that I pray for different groups of people. See Who is a prayer warrior? a popular post on this blog.  Do you recognize your dependence on God in them, or do you find yourself relying on your own efforts? Oh wow! I need to do that. Lord, send the right friend along today. Are you being presumptuous with God's grace? Lord, help me to not presume on your grace. 
• Does your life cause others to rejoice in Christ? Hopefully my life does. 

Faith-Based Movies: Utopia, Warriors and Courageous

Three movies this season are billed as faith-based movies and all have to do with ineffective fathers and their children. Some of the fathers have problems with alcohol in all three movies and all with at least one son.

Last month I reviewed the novelization of "Courageous", a movie to be released in less than two weeks.  According to Pastor/Producer/Actor Alex Kendrick in Time Magazine "Our goal is to use movies to change culture. How many sermons would we have to preach to reach five million people?"  "Courageous" follows other movies, including "Fireproof" produced by the Kendrick brothers, Pastors of Sherwood Baptist Church in Albany, GA. 

While waiting to see "Courageous", my husband and I saw "Seven Days in Utopia" with Johnny Crawford (acted by Robert Duvall) as the mentor for struggling golfer Luke Chishom (acted by Lucas Black). This movie is based on David L. Cook's book, Gold's Sacred Journey: Seven Days at the Links of Utopia. Here is the movie trailer:   Seven Days in Utopia  Sweet movie and movie scenes we enjoyed so  much. There are themes of father/son, mentor/mentee, and Johnny's regret that he himself lost his game because he drank too much. The biggest theme I saw is the spiritual lessons that the redeemed Johnny imparts to Luke who blew his last event when he was angry at his own father. At the end of the movie, Luke uses his training to keep his golf-game cool. We wonder if he made his putt. Author Cook has written a sequel book and answers that question here: Did He Make the Putt?

In contrast, another movie we saw, "Warrior", is a rough movie.  It has themes of the other two movies--father/son tension, alcoholism by Paddy (played by Nick Nolte). Tommy has his father Paddy become his boxing trainer but tells him it doesn't mean anything in terms of their family relationship; unforgiving Tommy gets his sober dad to drink again. In this dysfunctional family, the brothers also have issues that somehow seem to get resolved in the last scene while Paddy has looked on proud of his sons but perhaps realizing it will be hard to get back those years he has lost with his sons.

I wouldn't take everyone to "Warrior". Christianity Today in an e-mail I get on new movies wrote:

Warrior is rated PF-13 for sequences of intense mixed martial arts fighting, some language and thematic material. The last  minutes of the film include several violent fights with blood and brutality. In a few heated moments, the main characters use profanity; Paddy once uses the Lord's name in vain. Brendan and his wife, Tess, talk sexually to one another. Tess is also shown in her underwear a few times. In one scene, Paddy gets drunk and behaves irrationally, crying and cussing.

But I would take everyone to "Courageous". Let the talk of redeeming relationships begin. We forgive, because Christ has forgiven us. We have this one life to have the generations get our relationships right.

Is Self-Love Biblical?

In the context of not bearing a grudge or seeking revenge, Leviticus 19:18 says to love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus affirmed the Ten Commandments and in the same context said to love your neighbor as yourself in Matthew 19:18-19. Jesus summed up the Ten Commandments in Matthew 22:37-40 and in the parallel passage in Mark 12:29-31 with love of God and love of our neighbor. In clarifying who our neighbor is Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 11; the parable was not about self-love, however. Romans 13:9, 10 says to love your neighbor as yourself and explains love to others as not doing wrong to others.

Jay Adams writes in his book The Biblical View of Self-esteem, Self-Love and Self-Image pp. 72-73:

To sum up this chapter [Love. . . As Yourself], we must love our neighbors as ourselves. But Matthew 22:30 contains no commandment to love one’s self, since we need not be concerned about learning to love ourselves if we truly love God and our neighbors. Since the fulfillment of these two commandments is the fulfillment of all, we will always do the right thing for ourselves. Love, in the Bible, is a matter of giving: ‘God so loved the world that He gave. . .” (John 3:16); ‘He loved me and gave. . . ‘; “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself. . .” (Ephesians 5:25). Because it more blessed to give than to receive, the self-love proponents (who advocate getting from others and giving to self before giving to God and others) take away a rich blessing from those who follow their unbiblical emphasis. There is no need for concern about how to love one’s self, for so long as one seeks first to love God and his neighbor in a biblical fashion, all proper self-concern will appear as a by-product. That is why the Bible never commands us to love ourselves. Since the Bible is silent on the matter, we should be too.”

For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God from Romans 3:23, does not sound like self-love. Elsewhere in Scripture Job and Ezekiel abhored themselves. Love for God and others is Scriptural. People who don’t love others are called a “noisy gong and a clanging cymbal” in I Cor. 13. To not love one's husband or one's wife is sin. To not love one’s neighbor is sin. We love, because He first loved us. It’s all about God’s love for us, not our love for ourselves.

Find another religion if you want self-love. The assumption is that I will start loving others when I love myself. Self-love is essentially humanism. It is not the Gospel.

We can never love ourselves unconditionally--only God can. Thank God for His love and mercy. We have the rest of our life and all eternity to do that if we place our trust in Christ.